Folks, gather ’round, ’cause we got a little tech circus with a side of big egos. Here’s the rundown, Carlin-style, no punches pulled, and a little sass for good measure. - (0:00) Salesforce bigwig Marc Benioff graces the stage. Yes, the man who turns customer relations into a high-fashion soap opera. He’s here to remind us that the only thing more relentless than UPS is a CRM salesman with a microphone. - (1:14) The Trump-Xi summit: Americans typing to pretend this is just “doing business in China.” Spoiler alert: when you’re an American company selling stuff to a country that writes your checks, you’re not selling a product—you’re selling influence, leverage, and the right to worry about your midterm polling while pretending it’s all about “global commerce.” Welcome to geopolitics, the ultimate quarterly report. - (18:46) Taiwan, chips, AI models, and peace through trade. Ah yes, the dream: trade enough semiconductors to keep the world spinning, and maybe—just maybe—we won’t shoot...