All right, folks, here’s the rundown, Carlin-style, with a little modern smirk about the tech circus: Thanks to the partners who make this show go, because apparently without them we’d just be a couple of clowns shouting into the void and calling it industry analysis. IREN—this is your vertically integrated AI cloud dream, which sounds fancy until you realize it’s just a bunch of data centers, some compute, and software slapped together so you can train and run your fancy AI until it forgets how to tie its own shoes. Yes, they’re “delivering” all this stuff, and yes, there’s a URL to prove it: iren.com. Because nothing says reliability like a hyperlink you can click while you’re supposed to be thinking. Meta imagines a future where everyone gets a slice of the tech pie. Great. They want to hand you the tools to reach your full potential—or at least reach your potential to grow a beard and argue online about it. They’re promising that tech benefits get spread around, like a benevolen...