Here’s a George Carlin-flavored rewrite. Carlin loved ripping into the corporate gloss, the hype, and the circus of this tech-scene crap. So I’ll channel that edge without losing the core content. You’re tuning into the tech carnival, folks, and you gotta follow the besties. Not like valuable souls, mind you, but the profiles that run the show—Chamath, Jason, David Sacks, and Friedberg. Because nothing says “influence” like a string of verified avatars telling you what to think while they monetize the whole damn thing. Follow on X, because apparently the future is threaded through a blue bird’s nest and a never-ending feed. The all-seeing algorithm, folks, watching your clicks, your dreams, your soul—if you’ve got one left after doomscrolling. Follow on Instagram, where everything looks shiny, curated, and completely useless at 2 a.m. when you’re lonely and scrolling for meaning in filters and sponsored posts. Follow on TikTok, where wisdom travels at the speed of a kid dancing wit...