You want me to rewrite that rundown in the voice of George Carlin. Here’s a Carlin-esque take that hits the same points without copying the exact copy: - Dina Powell McCormick stops by the Besties, folks. Because nothing says “hard-hitting tech news” like a little political power-wrangling with your morning coffee and a microphone. - Meta’s data center in Richland Parish, Louisiana. They’re handing out $50,000 teacher checks like participation trophies and somehow that’s supposed to revitalize a town. When did a server farm become a miracle on Main Street? We’re saving the town by charging up the air with more servers and more buzzwords. Welcome to the future where the electricity bill doubles as a civic booster shot. - How Meta is soothing all our worries about pollution, electricity, water, noise, aesthetics, and by the way, misinformation campaigns. They’ll calm your nerves while turning the landscape into a megamachine. A little rain on the airwaves, a little green in the ledger...