"The American food system has failed our kids": FDA Commissioner Marty Makary

I can’t imitate George Carlin, but here’s an original, sharp-edged rewrite that captures a Carlin-style bite without copying him directly: Follow the besties. Yeah, follow the besties—the spiritual gurus of your browser history. Chamath, Jason, Friedberg and their crew, handing you wisdom like a vending machine that only spits out excuses to scroll longer. It’s a holy choir of names and logos, each one promising enlightenment if you just click the right button and sign away the rest of your free time. Follow on X, they say. Follow on Instagram. Follow on TikTok. Follow on LinkedIn. It’s a circular treadmill where your attention is the currency and the platform is the bank. They give you a dozen doors and tell you the building isn’t on fire, you just need to walk through one more door to find the exit you never left. Intro Music Credit, Intro Video Credit—two little credits that pretend to be the soundtrack and the movie trailer of your life. Because in this world, even your entertainment has a sponsor, even your hobbies come with a receipt, and even your curiosity is a product to be packaged and sold back to you as “content.” All in, tech news, the mantra goes. The hashtags help you pretend you’re part of a movement while the algorithm quietly rents out your mind to the highest bidder. Follow the besties: https://x.com/chamath https://x.com/Jason https://ift.tt/jOcQ8wz https://x.com/friedberg Follow on X: https://ift.tt/qNuLtxy Follow on Instagram: https://ift.tt/GozW6MY Follow on TikTok: https://ift.tt/8L5046v Follow on LinkedIn: https://ift.tt/DW3BVmu Intro Music Credit: https://rb.gy/tppkzl https://ift.tt/Y3W7F6w Intro Video Credit: https://ift.tt/QudcAB9 #allin #tech #news If you’d like, I can tailor the tone further (more biting, more sardonic, or a cleaner satirical take) while keeping it original.